I was listening to a podcast the other day when a woman’s words hit me square in the face:
“I’ve been lusted after again and again, but never truly loved. And it hurts.”

She wasn’t angry, just honest. You could hear the ache in her voice, a kind of heartbreak that doesn’t scream but sits quietly in the corner, present and heavy.

It made me pause. Because I’ve heard this story before.
So I decided to talk to women, young, middle-aged, and older. Different walks of life. Different journeys. And yet, a recurring theme kept showing up:

Men who wanted their bodies, but not their hearts.
Men who called when they were lonely or bored or horny but never stayed when life got real.
Men who wanted intimacy, but not connection.

And here’s the question that keeps circling:
Why is it okay for a woman to be “good enough” to sleep with, but not “good enough” to build a life with?

The Pattern Is Too Common

Let’s be real. The casual hookup culture has its place for those who choose it freely and confidently. But what I’m talking about goes deeper. This isn’t about women who want no-strings-attached fun. It’s about women who crave connection, partnership, and presence and keep ending up in situations where their worth is reduced to sex appeal.

Some of these women are in their twenties. Others are in their fifties or sixties.
But the pain, it doesn’t seem to age.

Why This Hurts So Deeply

Because underneath the surface, it’s not just rejection.
It’s the message: “You are desirable, but not lovable.”
“I want your body, but not your soul.”
“You’re fun for now, but not forever.”

Over time, this message can erode a woman’s self-esteem, make her question her value, and push her into performing, pleasing, or pretending all in hopes that one day, someone will finally stay.

But Here’s What Needs to Be Said

Your worth isn’t measured by someone’s inability to love you.
Being lusted after isn’t a compliment if it leaves you feeling empty.
You are not just a body. You are a full human being, mind, heart, spirit, and soul.

If you’ve been in this pattern, you are not alone; it is not your fault.

So, What Do We Do with these feelings of not being good enough?

We have to talk about it.
We have to teach our daughters and remind ourselves that we set the standard. We decide what we will and won’t tolerate.
We remember that our sensuality is a gift, but it is not all that we are.
And we walk away from anything that feels like crumbs when we know we deserve the feast.

Let’s Talk About It

Have you experienced this dynamic? How has it shaped your view of relationships, sex, or self-worth?

Drop a comment or share your story because healing begins when we speak truth to pain.