5 Ways of Breathing into intimacy

Most heterosexual women cannot reach orgasm through “penetration alone” what I mean by Penetration is a woman’s ability to climax solely on the basis of penile movements inside the vagina during intercourse without providing any type of direct clitoral stimulation with a hand, vibrator or among other things.

Permission is a big component of healthy sexuality, both the giving and receiving of it. Often, the biggest gift-givers of permission are us. 

In doing this work for over 15 years, my focus is more geared towards the emotional relationships we have with ourselves that will help us achieve full-body energic orgasms.


Intercourse can be one of the most exciting and thrilling experiences for men and women to engage in. If that’s the case, why is it so hard to get or stay focused during our intimate sessions?

The reality is we spend most of our lives with our minds elsewhere, switching between tasks and doing a dozen things at once. We are constantly practicing not being in the present moment. 

What’s good for multitasking is bad for intimate moments. 

  • Learn to Relax

Practice relaxation in small moments, all day long, not only before or during sex. It’s important to condition your body to learn to relax. That’s going to be helpful during sex because when you’re in that moment with your partner and connecting that way, your body responds positively. You should be in a flow and well oil machine, nothing exists but you and your partner.

  • Focus on the pleasure of the experience.

Focusing on pleasure keeps you anchored and in the present. It sounds so straightforward but paying attention to pleasure and what your body is feeling moment to moment, (instead of going over your to-do list, getting lost in your thoughts, or overthinking each sensation), is one of the best ways to focus during sex. 

  • Learn to Practice Mindfulness. 

Mindfulness, (in a nutshell), is about focusing attention and slowing down. Mindfulness can be achieved through simple things like slowing down and breathing and allowing yourself to tune in to what your body is communicating.

Belly breathing feels the sensation coming and flowing with it.

  • Breathe.

One of the best ways to bring your attention back to your body is to focus on your breath. Breathing is an underrated form of great self-regulation. You only need anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute to change your brain chemistry and physiology, to create a more relaxed state. Try staying with the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that are pleasurable. If you get distracted, accept it, let it go, and gently bring yourself back to pleasure. 

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